I don't know how to live

I'll start from the positive. I'm pretty young still (f27) and my physical health is fine. I have a wonderful boyfriend with whom we started living together a few weeks ago. I'm going to acting classes because I've always wanted to try it and it is giving me a lot of joy and energy. Now to the scary parts of life. I'm a refugee from Ukraine currently living in one of the EU countries. And I have no idea if I will make it to stay here. Rules are getting more strict and I'm not having a cool speciality that would give me a lot of money. It's pretty bizarre actually - I finished my master's in philosophy just before the war has started. Here I work as cleaner. I can't stand it anymore. On one hand I'm happy to have at least some kind of a job, on the other it's incredibly boring and I feel like I'm wasting my time and my youth. I'm trying to find something better and even though my Swedish is decent and my English is even better, I cannot find anything yet. I've been on antidepressants for a year but stopped because I thought I'm gonna make it. Now all the depression and anxiety are back. Because of the anxiety I'm often scared that something bad will happen to my boyfriend and I'll be all alone again. I don't feel like going back to Ukraine because I'm quite scared of the war and I don't even have a family and a house there. All the friendships I had are kinda fading away because I've been away for four years. I guess I can make my chances of staying here better if I'd study for a nurse for example but I also feel this inner resistance because I feel like I'm forced to do it. And it often feels like I'm forced to do things instead of just enjoying life. Tomorrow I'm gonna have a talk with the doctor about going back on the medicine. Apart from that I don't how I can help myself. I often feel anger and fear. I feel very scared and hopeless about the future. Sometimes I feel like I just want to die but I'm scared of actually doing it and I don't want to hurt my boyfriend like that. I'm so scared I'm not going to make it in life. I'm almost 30 and I haven't achieved anything, I don't know who I am and how my future is gonna look like. Maybe you have some kind of an advice or words of support for me - I'd really appreciate that.