So I need a Lil advice

okay, so my S/O at first wanted me to wait till The Orange Horror is out of the white house for me to start HRT, then it became after our theoretical child is born. (No one is pregnant) There's a problem. I don't want kids... but I can't say that.. I thought I didn't, then I kinda did once my nephew was born, but then I didn't also because of the nephew... but this is less focused on that and the weird things I've picked up on. My S/o has said some things that hurt, some things that make me wonder, and just strange things all around.. They use the right Pronouns, and my chosen name.. but they also when talking about if we want kids and all when I brought up all the stuff I'd need to be prepared for it they seemed sad, frustrated, or something.. when I said I'd like to have enough money to start HRT almost immediately after the kid is born because, and this is the biggest thing for me. I can not handle feeling like, being called, or being associated with being a dad.. I can't... it's just NO.. however my S/O basically said they wish I were just Cis, and that they don't like change, and so on... it felt like I was basically being told "I'm okay with you being trans as long as it means that you can just stay as you are occasionally dressing fem at home, and being happy with how things have been"