vent

i just feel so jealous and selfish and i really wish i didn’t feel this way. i envy those who are healthy and can live their lives, it’s just not fair. i feel upset and jealous when people complain over simple things like getting a common virus because that doesn’t last forever. i’m 16 and i’m supposed to be going out with friends, going to school, enjoying my teenage years, but i’ve lost nearly everything due to my chronic illness. i want to be normal so badly. my meds stopped working and i feel so hopeless + it takes so long to get medical stuff dealt with where i am. i want to be in remission and i want my life back, i want to be a normal healthy human. my parents aren’t taking my worries seriously just because i don’t have severe enough symptoms even though i have visibly lost weight and i’m so bloated due to my Crohn’s disease. i feel like a shell of myself and don’t see myself going anywhere in the future. i keep reminding myself this is just a rough patch and it will be solved soon but this disease takes such a toll on my mental health everyday. this isn’t fair and i wouldn’t wish a chronic illness upon anybody