I feel like the universe is just fucking with me for funsies at this point

I have severe contamination/health ocd. I stayed in and wore masks whenever I had to go outside, when nobody else was masking. I tried to challenge myself and not wear a mask, bamm, I get Covid. I am still ill from Covid, dealing with intense thoughts about contamination and struggling to find something to eat that feels safe, I spend hours trying to figure something out, that won’t be bad for me and is on the safer side, because I was really fucking hungry and having an ocd flare up where I couldn’t eat, I find something, butter/parmesan noodles, bammm, not even 1-2 hours later my stomach is in agony and im on the toilet, feel so unwell. I honestly feel like I am cursed at this point. I have no ERP therapy I can’t afford it, just managing as best as I can atm. But it feels fucking impossible at this point