To stealth or not to stealth

I'm currently in a psych ward getting treatment my war related PTSD and depression. All of the workers know that I'm trans, since I unfortunately can't correct my legal sex marker, but I haven't came out to anyone of the patients aside from one other queer guy from my homecountry, and he knows that he's not to share it with other patients. I normally pass to cis people and am clockable to trans people – I'm 165 cm tall with pretty soft features. Problem is that I feel stuck. I struggle in the group therapy because I can't talk about a large important chunk of my life. I'm extremely mad at my parents for treating me like an stupid kid who can't possibly know that he's trans because he's only 10 (later they claimed I told them too late and there were no signs when I was little), trying to converse the transness out of me, telling me that I'm not allowed to do anything in the direction of transition until I at least get a Bachelor's degree [and a lot of other stupid shit you can already guess], _and then not fucking batting an eye when I moved out and got on t._ They refuse to use my name and pronouns, but haven't severed all ties (which was the message I was getting for them for the entire previous fucking decade). Testosterone is a controlled substance by us, but pharmacies don't really care about prescriptions all that much, and I've heard of multiple people getting on t at 12-13. __It was possible.__ I could have started hrt as a kid and get to be a teen boy and not be suicidal for years because I can't bear perceiving myself. __It was possible__ and they kept me from it because they're narcs who care about society's opinion on the family more than they care about me. I've been forced to watch my body slowly disfigure, absolutely sure that I can't do a thing about it, and then I find out that they would just huff and puff a bit and then still go buy groceries to feed me. You get the gist. I'm full of rage and regret and despair and more rage on top _and I can't share it with anyone._ I notice myself blocking out all emotions in the group therapy because I am afraid of letting these parts slip. I don't want to be perceived as trans. I don't want to be the male asterisk question mark hyperlink. I want to test what it feels like when people simply see you as a guy without all of the extra weight coming with the trans status. It's the first social setting where I'm not out to [nearly] no one, and it's really hard for me. Tf i do.