Please I just want to be okay

I'm so tired of my body betraying me, the intense fear it gives me, the grief, feeling bad all the time and just this whole thing it hurts so much I just want to be okay. I don't want consequences for just existing anymore. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to grieve and cry over my own body. I just want to be a normal teenager. I miss my hobbies. I miss being able to express myself. I miss not being fueled by fear. I miss my friends. I miss my life. It's so fucking hard to be happy when all you can do is rot in bed