Feeling hopeless

It’s like the only feelings I have is depression and existential dread.. I’m 28 and I’ve been on and off in therapy for the last decade, have tried SSRIs, but seems to have no effect. I don’t really have any community. I’m barely in contact with my parents. I have a few friends but I’m not really close to them. I have a master’s degree but have been unemployed for the past 6 months and can’t find a job. Last full time job I had I got severely burnt out, even though the job wasn’t hard. I have a chronic illness which makes the whole job thing even harder. I just feel like life is not for me. I have felt like this since I can remember. The state of the world doesn’t help either. I feel lonely and like a failure. Every day I more so believe that this place might be hell.. I don’t think I would kill myself because I’m too scared for a failed attempt causing physical disability, and I’m even more scared that death would be even worse than this. But I don’t want to live either. I’m just tired