How to deal with gender 'dysphoria' when ur not trans but not really cis either? IDK

PREFACING BY SAYING I AM SORRY IF THIS COMES ACROSS AS IGNORANT IN ANY WAY, TELL ME AND I'LL INSTANTLY EDIT OR TAKE DOWN THE POST, IM JUST CONFUSED AND HAVE NO OTHER RESOURCES TO CONSULT sigh. **TLDR:** people who are not trans but feel gender dysphoria, how do u guys deal with it. Also how do I know if this is gender dysphoria or just yaoi addiction. im cis (19 y old bi female), but I lowkey feel A LOT of gender dysphoria, its like a genuine stab in my heart type of pain when I realize I can never be a man. But it's weird because I'm not disgusted with being a woman, in fact I consider myself quite pretty and like female clothes. And I feel neutral about my um..anatomy (IDK HOW TO SAY IT but like 🐱 & 🍒).. as well. Like, I feel neutral about womanhood, no discomfort. I also **don't particularly enjoy any typically masculine activities/interests**, except maybe in terms of 'humor', but even then theres no 'gendered way' to be masculine or feminine so i know it's stupid to define it through that, and I don't particularly enjoy 'feminine' activities either, whatever those are. But then again, I know that **If I could press a button to transform into a cis guy forever I would've.** I only started feeling this way a couple months ago (though in retrospect when I was like 11 I used to pretend to be a boy and be kinda happy about it but Idk If I'm assigning too much meaning to it, i barely remember my childhood so I can't dig for other signs sadly). **I feel like its just gender envy from consuming too much Yaoi** and lowkey having a Yaoi addiction I can't shake off, but the Yaoi makes me feel VERY jealous of men and not just in a 'free from sexism' kinda way because I've never really felt emotionally bothered by the patriarchy in a level which would justify this gender envy. *Even if I was trans, for me specifically the pain of not being cis would be too hard to bear, I know its selfish to say but I am very weak minded and I just know I couldn't handle it, especially being 5'3 and just changing my entire identity, have a lot of trauma from any surgery/scared to alter my body parts, oh and being disowned by my entire family who i love. like guys if u knew me you would know how unable to handle this I would be because I am not mentally strong at all lol. so even if I was trans I still need this advice because in my world and context there is* ***0 way I could ever transition.*** *like i wish u could js press a button and be cis sigh, shedding a tear rn* Since, on balance of probabilities, I probably am not trans, but still feel dysphoria, I was wondering if anyone else could relate to this, and how to deal with the genuinly debilitating pain of it, like I feel actual ache every day at not having been born a man. When I talk with my friends or distract myself it's fine, but the rest of the time im like so deeply sad it feels like so unpleasant (**not about being a woman, but about NOT being a man**), and I can't even roll into a ball in my bed and ignore it because its soooo persistent. like im acc in so much pain its unbearable. but **Yah how do I compartmentalize.** also FYI I don't resonate with they/them pronouns.