I might need to quit my job..

My anxiety is through the roof! I am 29 and ive never been able to hold a job for longer than a year. I've had more jobs than I can count.  I work in customer service, typically handling calls. My nervousness and anxiety is so bad that I can't see straight. I can't focus, and will completely forget what I'm doing halfway through the call. It is to the point that I can't function.... at all. I just started a new job. Only been there for a little over a month and once they put us on the phone, taking live calls,  I went into absolute panic mode. I was worried I'd forget something and be written up.they have very strict rules where you have to read certain things verbatim. I have no idea what those things are or where to find them.  It was actually to the point i couldnt remember anything that i learned In training and didn't know what to do on the calls.. at all..I called out one day because of my anxiety. Of course, didn't tell my manager about the anxiety. Came up with some other reason to not show up. Then came back the next day and had no clue what I was doing when calls rolled in. So I told the manager I had to leave for some other reason beyond my control.  Seriously,   It was like it was my FIRST day there.... it is so intense that it is actually terrifying for me to work. Due to the call outs, i am not sure I will even be able to keep my job. I have a bad feeling about the call outs and attendance.  I don't feel like I have anyone I can actually talk to about this. My friends and family,  don't have a hard time holding jobs like I do. Mental health has never caused them to quit jobs/be fired from jobs. They dont have a history of having mental health related hospitalizations.  constant panic attacks that completely alters your perception. So bad to where you can't think clearly or function.   While they may  struggle with mental health to some degree, to a certain extent, what I deal with on the daily isn't normal. It has constantly impacted my life and my livelihood. They just don't understand.   whenever ive tried to open up about my problems and tell people how im actually doing, People don't truly understand. They just don't get it.  I've also been inadvertently judged, talked down to, or given a lecture about how I should just "keep pushing through it" " you need to do this or that or you're going to be stuck". Simply,  I just needed a hug and encouragement. I'm already hard on myself as it is. even though the people who are in my life today are more supportive and understanding, I don't feel comfortable talking to them. I'm embarrassed and feel humiliated. I just don't have the courage to tell my friends and family how im truly doing.  I've had issues holding jobs in my 20s, now that I'm almost 30 and it hasn't changed I'm losing hope.   As of lately, I've lied alot. Told people I'm OK when im not. If I quit a job due to mental health, I don't tell them the truth. I'll twist the story in some way to say why I don't work for so and so company anymore. But I find it hard to be honest and tell people that I'm struggling. I've even lied to some companies and told them my power shut off or I had a life or death emergency (I work remote) just so I could have a mental health day. I can't be honest with them either. So today, I lied to my employer again and basically told them, I won't be at work today or tomorrow....  Truthfully, I don't think I can take another second of being on the phone, hyperventilating and having no dahm idea what to do. I don't even have the mental  capacity to even listen to the caller. I forget what I'm doing halfway through the call.  Through all of this, I can't remember anything. I'm in fight or flight. Constantly. Worst of all, they record our screen and listen to every single call we take.   I am emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I am beginning to question if I should even work to begin with. Maybe I should just get on disability and find a side hustle? I just feel so alone with this. My friends and family have no clue how im actually doing. They think I'm doing fine, but when in reality I'm steps away from a nervous breakdown. Just looking for support.