Bad Anxiety Spiral - Need Advice

Hi all, I really need some advice or just understanding. I have struggled with pretty bad anxiety my entire life. But as I've gotten older, it has become much much worse even with medication and therapy. I am a teacher and I normally work full time. Every year, after the christmas break, I get such bad anxiety returning to work. Usually I can just weather through it or take a day off and then im good. But this year it has escalated into something completely different. I cannot step foot in my school. Even the thought of working makes me physically sick. I am having panic attacks everyday and crying non stop. My GP gave me 3 days off to try and get rest as I havent been able to keep food down or sleep properly for close to 4 weeks now. Im exhausted. Its not even my job itself as I love my school and my colleagues and students are great - its literally just the thought of responsibility and having to be at work for the entire day that sets me over the edge. But I am also have suicidal thoughts and im scared that ill act on them. I have access to medication that I can take. My family is aware of these thoughts but they expect everyday for me to be getting better. So when I wake up in the morning and things havent changed, they become frustrated at me and tell me that I need to do more to help myself (such as exercise or socialising). But I honestly can't even fathom leaving my house at the moment. I dont want to go back to work. I dont want to quit my job either. I need money because if I dont have an income then ill just be burdening my family. If I dont return to work next week then, when I do eventually go back, it will be much much harder. Putting it off increases anxiety. But even just driving past the school makes me want to throw up. Walking into the school makes me actually throw up. I am seeing an EMDR therapist, a Psychologist, and on a waiting list for a psychiatrist. But that can take several weeks. I am also on Lexapro 20mg daily. Has anyone else had a similar experience where their brain just snaps and suddenly they are incapable of everything? I am at a loss