My mum is in hospital for a suspected heart attack and thinks her ex’s mum poisoned her blood. I know it’s a delusion, but I’m scared to speak up. I also don’t even know it’s it’s worth it (NHS)
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Sorry this is long and rambly but I needed to get it off my chest and I really hope someone is able to read it and give me advice. So my (21F) mum (47F) is currently in hospital for a suspected heart attack. She’s waiting for a procedure for them to check her heart valves and confirm if she was/is having a heart attack (sorry my information is second hand). According to my gran my mum thinks this possible heart attack has been caused by her ex’s mum (so my former step-dad’s mum) poisoning her blood. They’ve been no-contact for roughly 5 years I think. I’m 100% certain this is a delusion. What I’m not certain about is informing any of the medical staff around her. When I was living with her as a teenager she went through a bout of pretty severe psychosis. This was really traumatic for me as often I would be the villain in her mind. For example, the worst one was when she was convinced my former step-dad was sexually abusing me, he wasn’t, he was actually a pretty great step dad and never once did anything remotely creepy to me. It was extra difficult because she didn’t come at it from a concerned mother worried for her daughter angle, she came at it from a, you know what I’ll just include a message she sent me from around the time so you get a better idea: “Are u trying to mess with my head, wicked daughter, it won't work I don't give a fuck! Ur a lying horror & so is he & the truth always comes out in the end! Do u think a man should look at a 6 year old sexually! Do u know tht is also sexual abuse, although not chargeable but the child knows the intention so ur damaged, they know they are being leered over & uv become like him at a very young age so there nothing I can do about it. U enjoy hurting people \*then she sent an innocent photo of me and him when I was little\* Now u approve of tht do u. One day U'll be too old for him. And I'll forever know u contributed to his dusguisting behaviour cz ur not the only one, ur one of many” Another time she left me a note once again asking if he had abused me with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ tick box. I ticked ‘no,’ later she came into my room and she just started hitting me for “lying” to her. Delusions like that were the only times I’d argue back and try and stand up for my own sense of reality. Most of the time I tried to keep myself very small and quiet in the hopes I would stay a “good guy” in her eyes. It was a cycle, she’d have a delusion about me, we’d get into a huge fight and she’d kick me out, then a couple days later her villain would change, she’d be terrified of something else and beg me to come home. I’d return to being quiet and small until the next time she got angry at me. When her delusions weren’t directed at me, I was put in an impossible situation. I couldn’t tell her they were delusions out of fear she’d think I was against her, but if I confirmed her reality then I’d just feed into them and make it worse. I got very careful in how I communicated with her. I was constantly walking on eggshells. I still don’t really feel comfortable around her although our relationship is a bit better. I also couldn’t tell anyone of authority what was happening as she was terrified of getting her kids taken off of her and would sometimes accuse me of doing so. Eventually she attempted suicide and that’s when the social work put my siblings into foster care, I’m much older so they let me stay with my grandparents. At times she’d blame me partly for that. I’m not sure if social work really know the extent. I don’t know what my siblings remember (they were very young when this all happened). All I know is that I found a document in my grandparents house once where the psychiatrist who saw her after her attempt said she had “drug induced psychosis” I know she took speed but honestly I think it’s deeper than that. I don’t think she would’ve been fully open with the psychiatrist as she was really mistrustful of those in authority. Plus this has been going on for years. Her symptoms lessened when her and my former step-dad fully broke up but she still sometimes says things that sound crazy. Like not too long ago she was talking about her ongoing health issues and told me she thinks someone’s made a voodoo doll of her, well not just one person multiple people because she thinks she’s too spiritually strong to be affected by just one voodoo doll. My point is, it’s incredibly difficult for me to confront my mum about her delusions. If I speak to medical staff, chances are she’ll know it was me, and she could become very angry. She has always been in denial that she went through psychosis. We had one big fight a while after I moved out and I confronted her about what it was like living with her and she just denied everything, she put her hearing people in the walls and thinking snakes were in the floor boards down to having tinnitus, she said she was “confused” because my former step-dad was gaslighting her, when I confronted her on being abusive to me she told me I was “dramatic” and “difficult to handle.” The idea of telling anyone of authority about this is terrifying to me on like a really deep level despite me no longer living with her. And I don’t know if it’s even worth putting myself through that? Like will the staff do anything with that information? The NHS is on its knees they probably don’t even have anyone to speak to her, and if she doesn’t think anything wrong then are they even able to do anything? Maybe it will come out anyway, as she told me that someone came by her room and said if it isn’t a heart attack it could be broken heart syndrome due to all the abuse in her life she’s faced so maybe they’ll have her speak to someone anyway and she’ll say something out of pocket. Also if she is having a heart attack the stress of me informing someone I think she’s going through psychosis might make it worse. On the other hand it would be nice to get my mum back but idk if it would ever be possible to have a mother-daughter relationship regardless.
AI Analysis
- Medication
- speed